For the past few years, I found myself in discussions with other parents of young adult children on the verge of flying the coup. As the topic turned to the dreaded empty nest years, most of my friends bemoan it's arrival and say they know it is going to be a difficult time for them. I didn't seem to share that opinion. Not because I don't adore my children. I do. They are my babies and always will be. But, in raising my children, I didn't have extended family support (my parents were both with the Lord) and therefore, the "grandparent weekends" alot of my friends talked about enjoying with their husbands, I had never known. I think it took it's toll on me over the years, so I would always say that I think I wouldn't have much of an adjustment to the empty nest at all.That's what I thought at least. But, for the past month or so that I've been rising, working, eating (well not lately of course), and sleeping in this big house by myself, I'm finding the empty nest isn't so comforting.
I'm what you might call an extroverted introvert. I love people, so socializing energizes me. I like taking time to get to know who you are and what you dream of doing with your life. After all, I may want to help you do it! But, after being with people for a certain length of time, I'm ready for some solace and time to pray. I will listen to some music, drink truffle latte's or tea, and hibernate for a little while. Not for long, but long enough to catch my breath, fill up my tanks and be ready to go again.
But, there's no one here now to carry me into exhausted rest and drive me to retreat. I'm in retreat mode 24/7. Two kids in college, one living in an apartment way across town and working, two boys in PA with Ross. My husband lives and works in Pittsburgh, PA, as he waits for me to sell our house here and move. So, my long awaited "quiet time" without kids or male type people to cook and clean for (that would be sons and a husband) has arrived. ( I will miss my "girls only" household dress code.) With it has come a slow creeping loneliness that I have not experienced since I was young. I can say after having my heart and house filled with the joys of being a wife and mother, it's not the same kind of loneliness though. I started listening to Christmas music in September this year. Enough said.
But, there's no one here now to carry me into exhausted rest and drive me to retreat. I'm in retreat mode 24/7. Two kids in college, one living in an apartment way across town and working, two boys in PA with Ross. My husband lives and works in Pittsburgh, PA, as he waits for me to sell our house here and move. So, my long awaited "quiet time" without kids or male type people to cook and clean for (that would be sons and a husband) has arrived. ( I will miss my "girls only" household dress code.) With it has come a slow creeping loneliness that I have not experienced since I was young. I can say after having my heart and house filled with the joys of being a wife and mother, it's not the same kind of loneliness though. I started listening to Christmas music in September this year. Enough said.
I now have greater empathy for my friends who's children have left home. I used to envy the freedom and clean homes they enjoyed. They could go to the movies or dinner any time. I still had some sweet young life waiting at home starving for Mom to cook. Now, I understand their hearts more. I have seen a look in their faces that depicts the way I feel right now. Not sadness, but loss. Life isn't over, but life is altered. An anticipated loss, but a loss still. It requires a life transition that takes time. We have to give ourselves that time as we process it mentally, spiritually and emotionally. Mostly, emotionally I think. It's not grief really, as we know those kids will come back to visit. And with the present trend of older children (often with their own children) coming to live back at home, they might even be coming back for more than a visit.
I think the loss is situational and will fade in time. But, I do think it's important to be active in your transitioning from one season of life to another. Just as the Word says when we remove a dark presence from of our life (not that children are darkness in our lives, goodness NO! Well. hopefully no, anyway), we must sweep it clean, and then fill it back up with the Spirit of God. When you have experienced any loss, it's wise to replace that vacant space in your life and heart with something healthy and rewarding.
I realized tonight that even though I am waiting to step into a different life in Pittsburgh with Ross, I need to "fill my house" with what and WHO the Holy Spirit is leading me to because there is a void right now. I'm just starting to see how He has done that for me. If we are the Lord's child and walking with Him, every part of our life has a purpose. His purpose for me during this time was my call to fast and the lessons I needed to learn from it. It's no where near over yet.
I miss my kids. I miss my husband. But, I am spending time with special friends before I leave and that is a gift that I will carry with me as I move to Pittsburgh. Drinking in every precious moment with the Lord I have right now is changing me. Odds are this time will never come again for me. At least, I can't imagine being away from my Sweetheart this long for any reason in the future. I hope not. But, this time is not lost. It's been rich in spiritual knowledge and intimacy. I am thankful for that. God chose it for me because He knows I will need these lessons to walk in His calling for my life in the future. Is He allowing you to wait on Him as He prepares you for something in the future?
I find it so interesting that God "arranged" this empty nest time for me as He called me to this 40 Day Fast. On one hand, it doesn't require me to cook much. That helps. And, it gives me time and space to seek Him, pray in intercession and to be able to sit still to listen in my heart to what He is saying. Waiting. That hasn't been my forte until the past two years. Along with blessing me with an amazing husband, God used this special man to teach me patience. I've never been known for it before. I always had an underlying sense of not making things on time or not being able to wait for God to move. Like I am holding my breath all the time. (Don't go psychologist on me here, Girls) I am finding out that I need His strength and closeness right now as I face these lonely days and nights. I have learned paitence and can wait on Him. He is here. Right on time.
I realized tonight that even though I am waiting to step into a different life in Pittsburgh with Ross, I need to "fill my house" with what and WHO the Holy Spirit is leading me to because there is a void right now. I'm just starting to see how He has done that for me. If we are the Lord's child and walking with Him, every part of our life has a purpose. His purpose for me during this time was my call to fast and the lessons I needed to learn from it. It's no where near over yet.
I miss my kids. I miss my husband. But, I am spending time with special friends before I leave and that is a gift that I will carry with me as I move to Pittsburgh. Drinking in every precious moment with the Lord I have right now is changing me. Odds are this time will never come again for me. At least, I can't imagine being away from my Sweetheart this long for any reason in the future. I hope not. But, this time is not lost. It's been rich in spiritual knowledge and intimacy. I am thankful for that. God chose it for me because He knows I will need these lessons to walk in His calling for my life in the future. Is He allowing you to wait on Him as He prepares you for something in the future?
I find it so interesting that God "arranged" this empty nest time for me as He called me to this 40 Day Fast. On one hand, it doesn't require me to cook much. That helps. And, it gives me time and space to seek Him, pray in intercession and to be able to sit still to listen in my heart to what He is saying. Waiting. That hasn't been my forte until the past two years. Along with blessing me with an amazing husband, God used this special man to teach me patience. I've never been known for it before. I always had an underlying sense of not making things on time or not being able to wait for God to move. Like I am holding my breath all the time. (Don't go psychologist on me here, Girls) I am finding out that I need His strength and closeness right now as I face these lonely days and nights. I have learned paitence and can wait on Him. He is here. Right on time.
Have you experienced an empty nest? Did it leave you feeling lost or did you let God "fill your house"? If you found God waiting in the empty rooms, share that when you see a woman with that look of loss on her face. She needs you. Hug her. Have coffee. Cook dinner together. Watch a movie. Go for a walk. Pray together. Replace loss with relationship and let God make it one of the best seasons of your life because you shared it with a sister. I'm sharing it with mine right now.
Love My Sisters in Christ,
Karen
PRAYER REQUEST: I wrote about my friend, Nancy, a few days ago. There is a picture of Nan and I cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Tuesday, Nancy's elderly parents were hit in their car by a city bus in their hometown in Michigan. Nancy's 87 year old Mom was killed and her Dad is in the hospital with neck and back injuries and now in a halo brace. Please lift up Nancy and her family tonight and ask God to give them strength, comfort, peace and rest. Thank you so much, Sweet Ones!
PRAYER REQUEST: I wrote about my friend, Nancy, a few days ago. There is a picture of Nan and I cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Tuesday, Nancy's elderly parents were hit in their car by a city bus in their hometown in Michigan. Nancy's 87 year old Mom was killed and her Dad is in the hospital with neck and back injuries and now in a halo brace. Please lift up Nancy and her family tonight and ask God to give them strength, comfort, peace and rest. Thank you so much, Sweet Ones!
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